What If Rest Doesn't Always Look Like Doing Nothing?
In July, my family and I headed to Toronto to visit relatives and turn it into a holiday - it turned into a road trip covering around 2,200km over two weeks.
For someone who talks about the importance of rest as much as I do, this probably doesn't sound particularly restful. We were on the move pretty much every other day, with a maximum of three nights in one place, just outside Ottawa.
There were early starts, long drives, lots of walking, sightseeing, navigating unfamiliar places and many arguments about who is choosing the music.
By the time we landed back in the UK, I joked that we needed another holiday.
But once the jet lag wore off, what I noticed was how energised I felt, despite diving straight into hosting a birthday party, a family get-together and a few other challenges going on.
The adventure had recharged me. It gave me the same benefits you'd expect from a good rest, yet it didn't seem very restful.
We often equate rest with doing nothing, and there is, of course, something incredibly important about being able to stop. To sit still. To have nowhere to be. To allow your mind and body to slow down without immediately reaching for your phone, finding something to do or filling the space with noise.
For some of us, this is actually surprisingly difficult, and it's something we have to learn.
But restorative rest can also come from things that don't look particularly restful from the outside. A long walk, swimming in the sea, being immersed in nature (some of my favourites), playing, creating, exploring somewhere new, spending uninterrupted time with people you love, or doing something that completely absorbs you.
Our holiday had plenty of these. There was adventure and movement, but there was also connection, nature, laughter, novelty and, perhaps most importantly for me, a complete break from work.
I reached a point where I was genuinely switched off from it - no thinking about emails I needed to send or the next class I had coming up, no wondering what I should be doing for the business. I was able to be present, and that felt restorative.
You can stop without actually resting
One of the concepts I talk about regularly in my work is the Window of Tolerance - the zone in which our nervous system has enough capacity for us to feel present, connected and able to respond to what's happening around us. When we're within this window, we have greater access to things like presence, perspective, decision making and connection.
But when stress accumulates, that window can narrow, and we spend more time outside it. Sometimes that looks like hyperarousal - constantly "on", busy, restless, anxious, alert or unable to switch off. And sometimes the nervous system moves in the other direction, towards shutdown or collapse.
This is important because collapse can look like rest from the outside. You're lying on the sofa. You're not working. You're doing very little. But internally, you might feel numb, disconnected, flat or completely depleted.
That's not necessarily restorative rest. It's possible to be doing nothing while your nervous system is still struggling to recover.
True restorative rest requires something different: enough safety and capacity for the nervous system to move towards regulation and recovery. And sometimes, ironically, we have to learn how to rest before we can actually access rest.
The seven different types of rest
Dr Saundra Dalton-Smith, a physician and researcher who has written extensively about rest, describes seven types of rest:
Physical rest: allowing the body to recover.
Mental rest: giving your mind a break from constant thinking, decision-making and problem-solving.
Emotional rest: having space to express and process what you're feeling without having to hold it all together.
Sensory rest: reducing the constant stimulation coming at us through screens, noise, notifications and busy environments.
Creative rest: allowing yourself to experience beauty, nature and inspiration without needing to produce anything from it.
Social rest: spending time with people who nourish rather than drain you.
Spiritual rest: connecting with something that gives you meaning, perspective or a sense of belonging.
When I look back at our holiday through that lens, I can see that I experienced most of them. This was particularly noticeable because my experience of holidays has changed over the years.
Back in my corporate days (pre-2015), I remember desperately wanting a holiday where I could just sit on a beach. I wanted to lie down, soak up the sun, maybe read a book, but generally not do too much.
I was tired. Really tired. My capacity was stretched, and what I craved wasn't adventure. It was recovery.
Now, I have a very different relationship with rest. I'm much more aware of what my body needs and what actually leaves me feeling restored. And, just as importantly, I'm able to build rest and recovery into everyday life, so I'm not relying on one or two holidays a year to restore me.
When rest doesn't come easily
Sometimes we genuinely want to rest, but we can't seem to access it. We stop working, but our mind keeps going. We lie down, but we're scrolling. We have a quiet evening, but feel restless. We go on holiday, but spend the first few days feeling irritable, exhausted or unable to switch off.
This is why being told to "just relax" is about as useful as being told to "just stop worrying." True restorative rest becomes much easier when our nervous system has enough capacity to access it - which is often about more than simply finding the time.
The beliefs that keep us switched on
There's often something deeper underneath our difficulty resting, too. Many of the beliefs we carry about ourselves and our worth were learned early in life.
"I need to be productive." "I have to keep going." "Other people's needs come first." "Rest is lazy." "I should be doing something useful." "I'm only valuable when I'm achieving."
These beliefs can quietly keep the nervous system organised around doing rather than being. And if your system has learned that being busy equals being safe, important or worthy, slowing down can feel surprisingly uncomfortable. Sometimes even threatening.
This is one reason learning to rest isn't simply about finding more time in your diary. It's about developing the capacity to be still without needing to escape the stillness. And sometimes, that requires us to look at the patterns and beliefs underneath our relationship with rest.
It's something we explore in much more depth at The Pause - not simply how to rest, but what might be getting in the way of you being able to receive it.
So, what kind of rest do you need?
Perhaps the question isn't: "How can I do less?"
Perhaps it's: "What would actually restore me?"
Maybe you need stillness. Maybe you need sleep. Maybe you need to move your body. Maybe you need time alone. Maybe you need connection. Maybe you need nature. Maybe you need to do something completely unrelated to work. Or perhaps, like me on this holiday, you need a bit of adventure.
Rest isn't one-size-fits-all. And learning to recognise what genuinely restores you is, in itself, a valuable form of self-awareness.
Because ultimately, rest isn't simply about stopping. It's about creating the conditions where your mind and body can recover. And sometimes, the most restorative thing we can do is give ourselves permission to stop trying to be productive long enough to discover what we actually need.
This is exactly what we explore during The Pause - a half-day immersion in the New Forest designed to help you step out of constant doing, understand your nervous system and build your capacity for genuine restoration.
Because rest isn't something we should have to earn. It's something our bodies need. And, perhaps, something many of us need to learn how to receive.
You can find out more and join The Pause HERE.
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